I cannot believe January is already over. Really, it has flown by so fast. This last month I feel like I have been running up backwards on an escalator, just doing everything I can to avoid getting to the bottom. As hard as I try, it just feels like it keeps going faster and the days grow shorter. But really, I hardly notice it. I don't have time to even think about it. The only time I do is at night before going to bed and when I write you, but it is completely overcome by the overwhelmingly blessed feeling of, "this is the life."
I was sick most of this week. I had some stomach problem. So I was kind of out of it a good part of the week. I was in the offices Monday morning feeling just horrible. I tried to sit up and focus to try to get some things done, but I physically could not, my body wouldn't allow it. It was frustrating. So I sat down in a chair and pondered more on what I would be sharing in the leadership conference the next day, but not much came. So the whole day I was there kind of useless in the office. Then it came to 6pm, the time to leave. All day I prayed for the strength to get up and work, and at 6 o'clock, Heavenly Father answered that prayer. I felt His grace sooooo much. I got up and we went out. We had a member who did divisions with us so we were able to visit many people. The whole time, I didn't feel great, but I was doing it, and I know it is all because of Christ. When we finished the night, I laid down, and the pain came back over me. I laid there in pain, but so filled with gratitude that I could serve, and with that same overwhelming feeling of gratitude.
The next day was the leadership council. All of the revelation I had been searching for and receiving the last month was for this day. I really felt like this was the last opportunity I had to really make an impact in my assignment as secretary, so I wanted to be prepared to do all that the Lord would have me do with this last opportunity. It was a sacred experience to receive the vision the Lord wants for the mission. Most of the things I did won't really make much sense to anyone not in the mission, but basically it is all for the purpose of strengthening the converts much more. It all went super well.
|We got up early one day this week to watch the sunrise from the roof. |
It was incredible.
|This is from a couple a weeks ago with Alex and his friend |
who came out with me.
So now, I am feeling better. The proselyting has been hard haha. This week we found an awesome couple who is married and want to be baptized. They committed to go to church and to read the pamphlet we left them. We passed by the next day, and I was super excited to see them, I was sure they had read it and prayed. Then, we knocked on the door... no answer... but we could hear people inside, so we knocked again... no answer. I left with the ever so familiar feeling of hearbreak for people who don't know what they are rejecting. I want so badly just to change them, just to make them understand... but that isn't my purpose. That is part of the work and part of the love. Even though it hurts and it is frustrating, my heart is filled with amazement that I get to feel this, that I get to experience all of this, that I get to do what the Savior does and feel what the Savior feels. So even in the times when it is really hard, when the people reject us, mock us, and it feels like I am making no difference, and the little voice of the natural man tells me it's not worth it, I am still filled with awe. At the end of the day, I still am overwhelmed with gratitude and that feeling of, "this is the life". And this is the greatest life ever, I don't refer to the life as a missionary, but the life of a consecrated disciple of Jesus Christ, this is the life because it is HIS life. And I know this is not the end of my pain and joy filled paradise life, because consecration is unending. And I am forever consecrated to Him and what He would have me do.
So this next week will be the last week as a full time missionary. And it hurts, but even with the pain, I am completely calm, because I know it is not the end of being a consecrated witness of Jesus Christ.
I know that He lives. I know Heavenly Father lives. I have seen His perfect hand guiding His imperfect children (including myself) to be exactly where they need to be in the exact moment so that they may begin their journey unto Christ. I have felt the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ strengthening me EVERY DAY of these 2 years. I testify that every change that has been made in the lives of these people over the last 2 years is ALL because of Jesus Christ. He does it all. He is the power in the words I have spoken. He is the light that shines in the countenance of a transformed soul. He is the Savior of the world and the reason for everything good.
I invite all to come unto Christ, and to partake of the fulness of His gospel that is found only in His church, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints."
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
I love you all so much! Thank you so much for all the love and support!
Elder Heath Tenney
We got up early one day this week to watch the sunrise from the roof. It was incredible.
This is from a couple a weeks ago with Alex and his friend who came out with me.